Chia sẻ
Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way.
Do you agree or disagree?
Technological advancements have significantly impacted crime prevention and resolution. Although some believe that technology mainly deters crime through enhanced surveillance, I am of the opinion that its greatest potential lies in both preventing crime with monitoring systems and solving crimes more effectively using advanced detection tools.
To begin with, technology has introduced powerful tools that deter crime. Surveillance systems like CCTV cameras and facial recognition software serve as effective deterrents. Potential offenders, knowing they are being monitored, are less likely to commit crimes. For example, studies have shown that the installation of high-definition cameras in public areas has led to a decrease in street crimes. While surveillance is undeniably impactful, it’s only part of the solution.
Moreover, technology has revolutionized how crimes are solved. Tools like DNA analysis and digital forensics have enabled law enforcement to identify criminals with greater accuracy. In addition, advanced algorithms can analyze large amounts of data to predict and prevent crimes before they happen. This proactive approach not only helps solve crimes but also prevents them from occurring in the first place. Despite the promise of technological solutions, it’s crucial to acknowledge that technology alone isn’t foolproof.
In conclusion, while there are limitations, such as the rise of cybercrime, the overall potential of technology to reducecrime rates remains significant. The ability to deter, detect, and prevent crime far outweighs its challenges. Therefore, I believe that technological advancements will continue to make society safer, despite some growing pains along the way.
Revolutionize (v.) cách mạng hóa
Deter (v.) ngăn cản
Decrease (v.) giảm bớt
Reduce (v.) giảm
Detect (v.) phát hiện
Facial recognition software (n.) phần mềm nhận dạng khuôn mặt
Deterrents (n.) các yếu tố ngăn cản
DNA analysis (n.) phân tích DNA
Digital forensics (n.) pháp y số
Proactive approach (n.) cách tiếp cận chủ động
Limitations (n.) sự hạn chế
Although, For example, While, Moreover, In addition, Despite, Therefore. These cohesive devices help the essay flow logically and create a smooth transition between ideas.
Although introduces a contrast between opposing opinions, guiding the reader to the writer’s viewpoint.
For example and In addition signal further explanation or additional examples, ensuring the argument is well-supported.
While and Despite introduce exceptions or limitations, showing a balanced argument.
Therefore is used to reinforce the conclusion drawn from the preceding points.
Strengths:
The essay fully addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position on the topic and offering a well-reasoned argument. The writer agrees that technological advancements will likely reduce crime rates, with a focus on both crime deterrence and solving crimes more efficiently.
The examples provided (surveillance systems, DNA analysis, predictive algorithms) are relevant and effectively support the argument, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
The counterargument regarding the limitations of technology (cybercrime) is acknowledged, and a reasonable solution (cybersecurity and AI) is proposed.
Improvements:
The counterargument could be developed further to show a more balanced view. For instance, discussing how emerging technologies in cybersecurity can counteract the rise of cybercrime would strengthen the response.
Including additional, concrete examples or data, such as statistics on crime reduction from surveillance or specific studies on AI in crime prevention, would deepen the analysis.
Strengths:
The essay is logically organized, with clear development of ideas. Each paragraph covers one main point (deterrence, crime-solving, and limitations), and there is a logical progression from one idea to the next.
Cohesive devices such as For example, Moreover, In addition, However, and Therefore are effectively used to link ideas within and across sentences, making the argument easy to follow.
The use of paragraphing is clear, with each body paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument.
Improvements:
While the essay uses a solid range of cohesive devices, there is some repetition, particularly with words like Moreover and In addition. Using a wider variety of cohesive devices such as Furthermore, On the other hand, or However would improve the flow further.
The conclusion could more clearly summarize key points from both body paragraphs, helping to tie the argument back to the thesis more explicitly.
Strengths:
The vocabulary used is sophisticated and topic-specific, with words like deterrent, cybercrime, digital forensics, predictive algorithms, and technological advancements. These demonstrate a high level of proficiency and understanding of the topic.
There is effective use of collocations (e.g., reduce crime rates, detect crimes, technological progress), which helps the essay sound natural and fluent.
The essay avoids repetition by using varied vocabulary, which enhances the quality of writing.
Improvements:
While the vocabulary is advanced, there could be more variation in terms used for technology. The writer could use synonyms for technology such as technological tools, security systems, or innovation to avoid repetition.
To further demonstrate lexical range, the writer could introduce more specific jargon, like biometric surveillance or predictive policing, to show a deeper understanding of the subject.
Strengths:
The essay demonstrates a wide range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences, conditional sentences, and passive voice, all used accurately.
Sentence structure and punctuation are mostly flawless, making the essay easy to read and understand.
There is good control over subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and article placement.
Improvements:
While the grammar is solid, further variation in sentence structures could be beneficial. For instance, using more complex structures, such as cleft sentences or relative clauses, would improve the grammatical range and add more variety to the writing.
The essay could also benefit from some variation in sentence length and structure to avoid a monotonous rhythm. A mix of short and long sentences can make the essay more dynamic and engaging.
Qua bài mẫu Writing Task 2 về chủ đề tội phạm trên KTDC mong các bạn không chỉ nắm được cách trả lời phát triển ý cho dạng bài Agree or Disagree và những từ vựng kiến thức về chủ đề Tội phạm và Khoa học. KTDC còn mong muốn các bạn có thể hiểu được các tiêu chí chấm thi trong IELTS Writing Task 2 từ đó có chiến lược làm bài một cách hiệu quả.
Ngoài ra, nếu các bạn đang tìm lớp học cải thiện 2 kỹ năng Speaking & Writing có thể xem thêm thông tin lớp học tại đây nhé. Đến với KTDC các bạn sẽ được học và chấm chữa chi tiết 1:1 bởi cựu giám khảo IELTS cùng với phương pháp KTDC Total Immersion giúp rút ngắn 40% lộ trình học, nhanh chóng đạt mục tiêu đề ra.
Nguồn: KTDC
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