Bài Mẫu IELTS Writing Task 2 Band 8.0 Ngày Thi 10/11/2024- Chữa bởi cựu giám khảo IELTS

Đề bài

In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts, while boys like science. 

What are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed?”

Bài mẫu Band 8.0

The tendency for girls to prefer arts and boys to focus on science is a hotly-contested issue in contemporary society. This issue is rooted in gender stereotypes influencing students’ decisions and the way career opportunities in these fields are perceived. I strongly believe this trend is restrictive and should be changed to ensure students can make choices based on their genuine interests and talents.

One key reason for this trend is the influence of societal expectations and traditional gender roles. Girls are often steered toward creative and empathetic subjects, such as literature and the arts, while boys are encouraged to pursue technical fields like physics and engineering. Additionally, the scarcity of visible role models – such as female scientists or male artists – further discourages students from challenging these norms. For instance, many girls are discouraged from entering fields like computer science, while boys are often urged to pursue these subjects. If this does not change, it will result in limiting the potential of many students while also perpetuating gender stereotypes.

Another contributing factor is the perception of career stability and financial success. Professions in science, such as engineering and technology, are typically seen as more financially rewarding and secure than those in the arts. This belief leads to increased pressure on boys to enter technical fields and discourages girls from doing so, reinforcing the divide. These perceptions may lead to students making educational choices not based on their individual strengths and aspirations, but on societal expectations.

In conclusion, the societal expectations and career perceptions driving these trends are outdated and harmful. I firmly believe that dismantling these stereotypes is essential for promoting a more inclusive and balanced education system. Encouraging students to follow their true interests, regardless of gender, will lead to a fairer and more innovative society.

Từ vựng

• A hotly-contested issue (n.) một chủ đề nóng hổi
• Contemporary society (n.) xã hội đương đại
• Gender stereotype (n.) khuôn mẫu giới tính
• Societal expectation (n.) kỳ vọng của xã hội
• Traditional gender role (n.) vai trò giới tính truyền thống
• Creative and empathetic subject (n.) môn học sáng tạo và giàu tính cảm thông
• Career stability and financial success (n.) sự ổn định nghề nghiệp và thành công tài chính
• Genuine interest and talent (n.) tài năng và mối quan tâm thực sự
• Be encouraged to do something (v.) được khuyến khích/ động viên làm điều gì đó
• Be urged to pursue something (v.) được thúc giục làm điều gì đó
• Increase pressure on somebody (v.) gia tăng áp lực lên ai đó
• Discourage somebody from doing something (v.) khuyên ai đó đừng làm điều gì
• Dismantle stereotypes (v.) phá vỡ những định kiến
• Promote an inclusive and balanced education system (v.) thúc đẩy một hệ thống giáo dục hoà nhập và cân bằng
• Lead to a fair and innovative society (v.) dẫn đến một xã hội công bằng và tiên tiến

BREAKDOWN

Task Response (Band 8)

• Explanation: The essay thoroughly addresses both parts of the question. It explains the reasons for the trend of gendered subject choices and offers a clear opinion on why this trend should be changed. The arguments are well-developed, and the position is consistent throughout the essay.
• Strength:
  • The essay gives clear, relevant reasons for the trend (gender stereotypes and career perceptions) and supports the opinion with logical explanations and examples.
  • The writer makes a strong argument for dismantling these stereotypes and emphasizes the need for students to make choices based on their genuine interests.
• Why Band 8: The response is well-developed and addresses the task comprehensively. There is strong argumentation and reasoning. Minor improvements could involve providing even more specific examples to further strengthen the arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion (Band 8)

• Explanation: The essay is well-organized with clear logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph introduces a distinct point and develops it logically. Cohesive devices (such as “One key reason,” “Additionally,” “For instance,” and “In conclusion”) are effectively used to connect ideas and guide the reader.
• Strength
  • The paragraphing is clear and ideas are grouped logically.
  • The cohesive devices help the reader follow the progression of the argument.
  • The conclusion ties back to the main points and reaffirms the position.
• Why Band 8: The essay shows clear and effective use of cohesion. It could benefit from slightly more varied linking devices to further enhance smooth transitions, but overall, it is well-structured.

Lexical Resource (Band 8)

• Explanation: The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary effectively, with precise and appropriate word choices. There is minimal repetition, and the writer uses topic-specific vocabulary accurately (e.g., “societal expectations,” “career perceptions,” “gender stereotypes,” “career stability”).
• Strength:
  • The writer uses academic and formal vocabulary effectively, making the argument sound authoritative.
  • There is good variety in word choice and phrasing (e.g., “restrictive,” “dismantling,” “financial success,” “individual strengths”).
• Why Band 8: The vocabulary is varied, accurate, and appropriate for the task. There is some room to include even more variety or less common vocabulary to raise the score to a Band 9.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (Band 8)

• Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences. There are no significant errors in grammar, punctuation, or spelling.
• Strength:
  • The writer uses a variety of sentence structures effectively (e.g., “If this does not change, it will result in limiting the potential of many students” and “These perceptions may lead to students making educational choices not based on their individual strengths and aspirations, but…”).
  • Grammar is accurate with no noticeable errors that interfere with clarity.
• Why Band 8: The essay showcases a good range of complex grammatical structures with minimal errors. A Band 9 would require even more sophisticated and varied sentence structures with no minor mistakes.

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